Mama’s I was at the library with my kids and I saw a young lady who looked to be no more than 14 or 15 being groped and tongue kissed open and out in the public by a young man, who I presume to be her boyfriend. Ok I was a teenager once and yes I had a boyfriend, but kissing in public and being groped was not something I participated in. Even in the shadows I didn’t feel comfortable kissing my boyfriend, let alone being groped. Something just felt wrong. I’m sure it was because I knew sex before marriage was wrong and my Mama preached to me that respectable ladies just don’t allow boys to grope them. As my mind began to wonder, all I could think about was this young ladies Mama and how she would feel if she saw this act with her own eyes. Would she be outraged, embarrassed or neither?
As I ride around throughout the day I see young ladies dressed in shorts that look like panties to me, and I think to myself there is no way in heLL my babies would every march out of my house with that on, I don’t care what the “style” is. A few months ago hubby and I went to the movies and a few teenagers were there in these panty shorts and we caught a few men who were out with their families and teenage daughters looking at them. I mean taking double and triple takes. When the teenage girls caught these grown men (old enough to be their fathers) looking at them it made them feel uncomfortable and they started trying to pull their shorts down. Again I had to wonder if their parents saw them before they left the house.
When I look on Facebook I look at some of the pictures of people’s kids and I wonder why do you have your 3 year old looking like she is 16. Why are we making our daughters sex symbols before their time? You preach abstinence and waiting until you’re married to become sexually active, but you allow them to dress like they’re auditioning for a Lil’ Wayne video. When I see young ladies wearing 6 inch heels, hair to their behind, fake eyelashes, super long nails, cleavage and make up for a mile I feel sad. The reason I feel sad is because our daughters look to us for validation before they get it from anywhere else. We are the first ones to tell them they are smart, pretty, kind, and awesome. They should feel pretty without having to be naked. We all know when a grown man sees a young lady who looks like she’s “of age” he’s going to try to talk to her if he sees something he likes. He may not stop to ask for I.D. or make sure she is of age.
Mama’s have we become too laxed on our jobs of being an example for our daughters and showing them how respectful ladies act and present themselves. Are we too busy trying to be friends with our daughters so we can be “liked” instead of making the tough calls even if it means that our daughters can’t stand us for the moment? I remember my mother making plenty of those decisions that made me say, “Ooh I can’t stand her”, but with the wisdom that I have now I’m thankful that she wasn’t afraid to make the tough calls. As Mama’s its hard raising our children, but we are in control. God gave us what we could handle and we can do this without compromising ourselves or our children. Sure they’ll be some tough calls that we will have to make and it may make us feel like crap, but make them. I always tell myself that if making a tough call now will save me from heartache later then I’ll make that tough call. We can’t set our girls on autopilot and let them go through life. Our kids are not the same kids that we were. I didn’t do everything my mom told me, but I had boundaries and sadly many girls today do not have boundaries. They allow their bodies to be used by girls and boys alike in what they call “encounters”. These are sexual acts that lead to absolutely nothing. No relationships, expectations, just empty sex. Our girls are having cybersex, sexting and posting pictures of a sexual nature on the internet for anyone to see, copy and paste anywhere to Photoshop. Here are a few stats that may make this REAL for you in case your head is buried in the sand:
Percent of teens that sent sexually suggestive messages via text, email or instant messaging:
· 20% of all teens
· 22% of teen girls
· 18% of teen boys
· 11% of young teen girls between the ages of 13-16
The most troubling statistics for me were these:
· 75% of teens say that sending sexually suggestive content “can have serious negative consequences”
· 51% of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images
· 29% of teens believe those exchanging sexually suggestive content are “expected” to date or hook up
Mama’s as you can see we have our work cut out for us. Seemingly the day of the “Good Girl” is gone. The new normal for our girls is to give it up to be cool. We have got to teach our girls about their bodies and talk about their feelings openly and honestly. When our children talk to us we need to listen, even if it’s not what we want to hear. Of course this is easier said than done, but in order for our daughters to trust us with their innermost feelings we must. I encourage you to build a community of other women who have daughters and be a support system for each other. We don’t have all the answers, but together we can figure it out. I hope that this blog post will change the thought process of at least one mother to take back the innocence of her daughter and fight for her like no other person on earth will. Let her know that you are not in competition with her, but that you love her and want better for her.
Don’t’ just live your life, Enjoy it!