I know many of you are wondering what in the world is “Heated Fellowship”. Well it’s a kind way of saying disagreement or argument. As Mama’s we have disagreements all the time with our kids. They want us to do one thing and we won’t, or they ask us for something and we don’t get it. As a Mama you are bound to disagree with your kids and that is perfectly ok. You are looking out for their overall well-being and you will not always be able to be in agreement with them. However the type of “Heated Fellowship” I am referring to is not with your kids but with your spouse in front of your kids. We have all experienced that awkward moment when you have already told the kids yes on something that daddy does not agree with and he puts a screeching halt to your plans with a strong NO! Yep, now the kids are looking at you with that stunned face and the words they usually express are” but Mama you said yes”. In an instant you go from 0 to 60 and you want to wring your hubby's neck. You feel like you need to either defend yourself or give your husband “that look”, you know the one that says “No you didn’t just do that to me in front of the kids”. At this point you have some decisions to make: 1). Start down the road towards “Heated Fellowship” because your husband just tried to undermine your decision 2). Take a “Team Timeout” where you and the hubby go away and talk about the issue in a calm manner, regroup and come back with a decision or 3). Let Dad’s word be the final say and explain to your kids later what happened. In an ideal world option 2 would be the best way to handle the situation because it shows that mom and dad are not against each other but are teammates in parenting. The kids will see that their parents were able to come together, compromise and make a decision without biting each other’s heads off. Like I said before in an “ideal” world you wouldn’t have an argument in front of your kids, but sometimes the disagreement is debated heavily from both sides and before you know it, you have a full blown argument that your kids now have a front row seat to. Trust me when I say, you DO NOT want that to happen.
As parents we have to let our children see us disagree without acting a plum fool. Yes, I said it because I know when I first became a Mama, my hubby and I argued in front of our 2 kids at the time. We felt like they were too young to process what we were saying. To a certain extent we were right, they had no idea what our disagreement was about, but we caught them mocking us and acting out the argument in their room. While my husband and I were tickled that they were using the hand gestures, flailing their hands and using a deep voice form him and a high voice for me, we had to reevaluate the way we handled disagreements in front of our kids. In no way am I saying that you cannot have a disagreement, but you have to choose how you handle each other in that time. If you can tell the kids Mama and daddy need to have a discussion and we’ll be right back. Now you have to be calm in your tone and pleasant in your body language, I know if you’re really mad that can be really difficult, but trust me if you practice it and your kids see you, watch how they will start to handle their disagreements amongst themselves. Kids follow what they are shown by their parents. If they see parents who are always choosing to have a verbal battle rather than taking a time out to regroup they will display that same behavior at home, school and out in the world. So Mama’s talk to your hubby’s and have a plan of action for those moments when you will have a “Heated Fellowship” because trust me those moments will arise and you want to be as prepared as possible to be an example to your kids of how to treat each other in good times as well as when you disagree. Happy Monday Mama’s!